F1 appeal 4 young drivers. Trackside Diaries.

Monday

March 13th, 2006 ; Bahrain Grand Prix.

It's that time of year again when we all supposedly get excited over wide stretches of twisty tarmacadam interspersed with tricky corners; household names like Ide, Luizzi and Klein shoehorned into ridiculously priced cars (or not in their cases), and naff pop people who love to be associated with glamour. Yet photographed alongside Bernie Ecclestone. So splash on the fake tan and lashings of Brut, brush up on your everyday Bahrainian phrases and we'll be off to the seaside then (well, kinda). The 3.336mile, £83million, former camel farm that is - the Bahrain international scalelectrix circuit in Sakhir as it happens. However, being a country that boasts falconry as one of it's favourite sporting pastimes, you know that nothing will be left to chance.

On your marks, get set, go! ......and they're away.

Lap 1 - ...Well, all apart from Rosberg who spins his rig and finds himself in the pits as that annoying German bloke, Alonso and Massa argue for the first corner. Even our very own panto dame - buttons is having a go early on, (oh no he isn't!..Oh yes he is!!) Toying as he did with Barrichello. And being an F1 driver.

Lap 5 - And we see said-Teutonic pest still out front, closely followed by Alonso, chomping at his Renault-leash. Aswell as quite a bit more track, which is nice for those that love to see a bit of tarmac over their front windscreens.

Lap 8 - More action when Massa spins on turn one and Alonso has to delve into his bag of tricks to miss him entirely. So a good job Alonso isn't Buttons then.

Lap 10 - Alonso has put in the fastest lap of the race so far. Our man in the Honda is by this stage giving Montoya a run for his money. and given that buttons pockets are lined with party invites, pit girls and receipts for super yachts and not hard, fast and unduly heavy pesos/contraband , allows the not-so-great Brit to surge past, finding himself a mere 8.5 hours (sorry, seconds) behind Alonso. Raikkonen on the other hand, who started at the back of the grid finds himself in 10th by lap 13, suggesting that random banned-substance testing in F1, can't be far away.

Lap 16 - The annoying German's precarious lead over Alonso is 6 seconds, but then he unfortunately has to stop for a wee. Sneaking back out with the look of Paula Radcliffe about him, he's now just ahead of fourth placed former team mate - Barrichello, with time to make up.

Lap 18 - Meanwhile Buttons waits till now before deciding to pull in to relieve himself. 9.1 seconds later he discovers he's relieved himself of third place and now settles for 8th.

Lap 20 - Sees Fisichella experiencing hydraulics issues, ending any interest he might have had in the race. Alonso then sets the fastest lap and closes the gap on that German bloke in the red car to 2.5 seconds by lap 21.

Lap 22 - And It's 1.3secs.

Lap 23 - And it's 1.1secs.

Lap 25 - Concludes with Alonso trailing the lederhosen-clad Ferrari driver by 0.7 of a second. Or, as Buttons calls it - a dream. He himself is however getting closer to Montoya by lap 26. So now we have the all-Premiership clash of random German type versus Alonso ahead, followed by the Ryman's League encounter between button and Montoya behind. The tension mounts. Too much so for Villeneuve, as his BMW Sauber's engine bursts into flames at the thought of participating in the full 57 laps forecast.

Lap 31 - Alonso is letting the occasion get the better of him. And that German bloke in the Italian car, as he's now plus 1 second adrift. That's before a nifty piece of incompetence by a back marker allows him to gather pace on the agitated German on lap 32. Incidentally (to him anyhow) Coulthard goes past Heidfeld to claim 9th. Buttons is 21 seconds behind Alonso in 2nd, but a frankly unbelievable 7 ahead of Montoya in 4th.

Lap 36 - And we move into the realms of fantasy as the German goes into the pits and buttons slides into 2nd. So, as I recall, Alonso is now up front, 21 seconds ahead of buttons, 24 ahead of zee German. Brilliant. Seeing light at the end of the tunnel though, he doesn't realise it's the raging inferno that is Villeneuve riding his 200mph firework directly ahead.

Lap 39 - Alonso opts for a pit stop. Taking 7.7seconds, he manages to emerge a cars length ahead of German in what could be the race-winning move.

Lap 40 - And Buttons heads back for the pits, narrowly avoiding a collision with the exiting Toyota of Trulli. Alonso regains the lead and when buttons rejoins the action finds himself in 5th. (Oh yes he does!)

Lap 42 - The gap between Alonso and the perturbed German is now 1.6 seconds.

Lap 46 - Super Aguri's Ide is out, and I, like you have no idea what those three words mean.

Lap 47 - Massa (remember him?) eases into 10th spot ahead of Liuzzi (whose mother struggles to remember)

Lap 48 - And Rosberg is pushing for honours and, after an extended battle with Coulthard's jaw, nips and tucks beyond the less than happy granite-faced Scot.

Lap 49 - And buttons is struggling with Raikkonen in third. And his 'potential'.

Lap 50 - Means that there are 7 more laps to go. More than this, it also signals the near self-combustion of our German friend, who by now is livid that he can't catch Alonso. Or a cold at those speeds.

Lap 52 - And it's all hotting up. Apart from Villeneuve, whose now probably reached meltdown in his flame-thrower, as Alonso seems to be experiencing braking trouble. Something high up there on the priority list I should imagine; which allows for the German to clamber all over the back of the worried Spaniard.

Lap 53 - Sees Alonso having a clear run in. his to lose really. No, sorry, that's the German's gameplan. Raikkonen, having started on the back of the grid in his McLaren, is now 18 seconds behind the race leaders. And feeling pretty smug.

Lap 54 - Rosberg, if you recall from his first corners donkey derby exploits, is by now pushing someone called Klein for 7th place.

Lap 56 - Someone called Klein now sits in 8th place. 

Lap 57 - Remaining in 8th, bettered only by Rosberg, Webber, Montoya, Buttons, Raikkonen, that German bloke and Alonso (in that ascending order) Klein reflects on what could have been. The aforementioned are asking as to just who he is.

There, done and dusted until Malaysia next Monday...and remember, if you want to get insured one of the above motors - there's no chance; but for insurance on anything else, contact 4youngdrivers.com.

Date - 15/09/2006